Saturday, June 04, 2011

Coming Clean

I began writing this blog in September of 2006 and although some things about the way I write the blog have changed, some things have remained constant throughout. I try to write about what I'm learning and experiencing, and why it is important to me. I write about wine and food, not about the other things I feel passionate about. I try to tell a joke here and there. I don't cuss. I write the blog anonymously and I don't go into details about my personal life. Not out of any strong conviction, it just worked out that way.

I'm sure you can tell that I've had trouble writing lately, and I think I understand why now. You know how if you have a secret that you cannot figure out how to tell a friend, you wind up avoiding that friend? Until you finally figure out how to come clean, and then you feel normal again. Well, that's how I've been feeling about you, the group of people who read this blog. I have no idea who you are for the most part, but I know you're out there, and I am ready to share my secret with you so that I can stop avoiding you. I want to write and enjoy the blog again. This isn't easy for me to do, and I hope you will read this as therapeutic for me, nothing more than that. But I have to break my rule about sharing the boring details of my personal life.

BrooklynLady and I got separated several months ago and we are headed towards divorce. It has been the hardest, saddest, loneliest, strangest, angriest, most hopeless, scariest, most emotionally draining, and most unsettling experience of my life. And we are doing it amicably! I have my kids half the time, and everyone is healthy and doing the best they can.

I stayed in the apartment I'd been in in since before I started the blog, but I wanted to move, to have a fresh start. Not so easy, as it turns out. Prices have changed since I last looked, and I need a space that feels good enough to share with my kids, to be comfortable during this transition. I moved, it was a TOTAL debacle and had to move again a month later, but now it's been almost a week and I'm settling in, feeling better about my personal space and more confident about my ability to find balance and perhaps somewhere down the road, happiness. I'm still figuring out how to establish the rhythm for this new life, and I hope you'll be forgiving as I figure out how (and whether or not) writing the blog can be part of my new life.


Turns out that this wine pairs beautifully with unpacking a new apartment, by the way.

Some of my very best and most beloved friends are people who I know because of this blog. If I never write another post (figure of speech - I know what I want to write about tomorrow night when the kids go to sleep) I'll have that to take with me. But I hope that coming clean here, sharing something big about myself, will help me to feel normal again about writing.

Thanks for listening and for reading, and I don't feel so weird around you anymore.

27 comments:

mengteck said...

Be brave and be strong, BrooklynGuy!

Ben K said...

We'll still be here when you're ready -- for now, best of luck to you and your family.

Weston said...

I love reading your blog, especially what 2yrs ago when you did your weekly Champagne!

Anonymous said...

BG--I am so very sorry for your tsoris--for yours and for BrooklynLady's and for the kids, and even for your friends and family.

You have an extraordinary gift of approaching wine (and through your wine writing it is evidently the same about people and life, too) with awe and respect, with a sense of discovery and with an exceptionally rare degree of clarity. Never, never with a hint of superiority.

Your gifts will give you strength, and you will most assuredly go from strength to strength.

AndrewR said...

I thought you were going to come out and say you were really Neal Rosenthal, seriously. Best of luck anyway man, life always goes on. This too shall pass...

AJR

D J R-S said...

Thanks for sharing. The level of anonymity or personalization you choose at any given moment is your right, your privilege, your gift. Take care.

Susan said...

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Yours has always been one of my favorite blogs and I feel I have learned a lot from being a regular reader of your posts. I hope that your life can get back to "normal" (whatever that is) soon and that everything works out well for you. Good luck.

Adam said...

I don't know you IRL, but coming clean did not contribute nearly as much as your writing does in helping me get to know who you are. You have a voice that marries (no pun intended) with your palate's and mind's authentic interpretation of wine and food that creates an accessible personality. Your writing has always expressed this authenticity and growing confidence in wine. I wish you happiness and comfort in what is certain to be new horizons.

Alfonso Cevola said...

Thanks for sharing. Get a two year calendar and mark the days. When the time passes things will look very different. Been there....Good luck...Take care

Bertrand said...

Thank you, Brooklynguy for your courage to tell us what you go through. It's a question I'm thinking about sometimes : how to manage the way we write and communicate with our readers when important changes bring stress into our lives. You make us learn here.

Sean said...

My only regret about you & this blog is that as a long-time Brooklyn resident & hopeless wine dork & fan of your blog, I didn't work harder to find a way to meet you in person. Yet as DJRS says above, your anonymity--both so precious & so clearly cultivated, despite your passion for the writing you post here & the passions we share for food & wine--is something we all respect. I'm saddened to hear about your personal difficulties, but I can assure you, it does get better--for you & the kids alike. Many a divorced father will tell you as much. And kudos for recognizing that this community of like-minded people both cares deeply about you & respects your ongoing need for privacy. You've created a very unique space, indeed, and one that we are all grateful for. Best of luck with the challenges ahead.

TWG said...

I'm sorry your marriage didn't last, but glad you're handling it well. Best of luck.

Frederic said...

Don't worry about us. Take care of yourself and your family. We'll be there.
Peace

Cliff said...

I too am sorry to hear what you're going through. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

so sorry men, you've inspired a whole load of us into trying new things. I really appreciate and respect what you do and I hope you get through this difficult period ok.
best regards,

Sam

Ben Wood said...

Bklyn Guy,
Much respect. Be brave. We will be waiting with baited breath to read more of the quite compeling and interesting wine blog you write.
Cheers,
B.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send a small bit of digital support your way. Take care of yourself and your family. While I do hope you come back to sharing your unique and interesting viewpoint on wine, the blog can wait while you take care of yourself. Though please do come back to it, yours is the only wine blog I can truly live vicariously though, with it's unpretentious and friendly takes on wines I enjoy and wines I'll likely never even taste.

rhit said...

Best of luck, BG. Cheers to you.

Tom said...

I can only imagine how difficult of a time this has been for you. I really enjoy reading you blog, but also feel as though you are some sort of friend that I never met -- as I like "corresponding" with you (though that only means you writing and me reading...). That said, there are many of us that stop by often to follow your posts, and I am sure all of us are wishing you the best. I also expect I am one of many that hope you continue to write, perhaps it is a bit therapeutic for all involved. Thanks for sharing...

Clotpoll said...

Sorry to hear about all the changes. Your site beats all the self-involved wine dorks writing a bunch of nothing.

Hope you're settling in well.

A-DOG said...

Bless your heart and keep it up!

Brooklynguy said...

I don't really know what to say, except that I am sincerely moved by your kind words and wishes, here and via email. Means a lot to me.

Do Bianchi said...

hey man, know that there are many folks out here who love you and love what you do and who stand by you in good times and bad.

Me and Tracie P are sending you and family our thoughts and wishes...

Sorry I haven't gotten here yet but I've had trouble getting online here in Italy and been so busy with this damn tasting and I'm only now catching up.

And just wanted to tell you that we love you man... that's all...

adam said...

I've been a long time reader of your site, and always appreciated your insight. I've never commented before, but I just want to let you know I appreciate it all. I've never been married, but am a product of multiple divorces. You're already doing the best thing you can do, which is be there for your girls. Best of luck to you.

Doug said...

Thanks for sharing this news with us. My heart goes out to you. I've been there too, and reading what you're going through reminded me of the painful ache in the middle of my chest that I felt during my divorce. Grieving the old and building a whole new life is not an easy task, especially when you're a parent. I hope you'll take good care of yourself in the process.

Thomas said...

It’s very brave of you to share this with us. I really hope you will get through this period and everything will work out of you. Best from, Thomas

Alex Halberstadt said...

So sorry to hear about the separation. What a scary and deeply lonely experience. Wishing you peace and happiness. And keep up the terrific writing.